a rush & siege - a life once lost

I can't understand what I do wrong half the time
my judgment is blurred from this last year of defeat
I never once acted like this before I met you
now I'm a simplified sensation
I'm nothing; a laughingstock to some
I'm sorry for my vicious decline into this bedlam you see before your eyes
I adhere to the progress of my helpless desire to live
my innards are freezing inherently, like winter rain
I'm over infectious regret