candy cane - the loved ones

How'd I get back here at this?
Another sleepless night dismissed
It might take a day to get back and figure out what I missed
How'd I get back here at this?
My knuckles white clenched into fists
I might need a day to get back and figure out what I missed
I've been losing sleep for days trying to claim
What little stake I have and why my heart betrays
I'd bail out if it made me free, I'd run but I can barely breathe
How'd I get back here at this? Another cheap attempt at bliss
It might take more than this bottle
To forget about what I missed
How'd I get back here at this? I'm feeling torn just to exist
I guess I need more time to process
The feelings I once dismissed
I've been losing you for days playing this game
I've been using up again my ways to kill this pain
My reasons propped up on this candy cane
It cures my stroke of bad luck and my heart attack of shame
I'd bail out if it made me free, I'd bail out if it made you see
I'd run but I can barely breathe
I'd rather run away, crawl away
Than have you perceive my slow decay
I can barely breathe and these cuts heal but they won't bleed
We could have a knock-down-drag-out
Or face what's been the case...
But it could end up in disgrace
What if we tried to relocate it?
Would it even change a single thing?